I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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