stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
