so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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