You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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