I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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