Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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