I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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