Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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