Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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