i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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