You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
