My first STD was from a foam party
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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