Michael Bay diarrhea
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
