There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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