I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
