I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
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Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?