you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
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it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.