I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015