I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.