i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
