I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?