carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.