ADVERTISEMENT

• (669): View more from California

  I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.

  Fav 10 1499 1187

  share tweet
  

• (913): View more from Kansas

  You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting

  Fav 21 3101 1304

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself

  Fav 45 1848 7479

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.

  Fav 23 7183 1258

  share tweet
  
• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (901): View more from Tennessee

  we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever

  Fav 7 1322 5897

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Glad to hear you raised your standards

  Fav 8 3194 1085

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (443): View more from Maryland

  I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected

  Fav 3 1735 991

  share tweet
  

• (319): View more from Iowa

  Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped

  Fav 33 1615 916

  share tweet
  

• (312): View more from Illinois

  I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you

  Fav 6 2418 792

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (909): View more from California

  Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?

  Fav 10 2195 1027

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything

  Fav 1 1293 670

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (671): View more from Guam

  I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same

  Fav 3 680 425

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.

  Fav 3 974 440

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....

  Fav 0 77 22

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?

  Fav 3 44 74

  share tweet
  

Randomize