I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
