then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
