He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
