i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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