that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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