Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
