i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
