either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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