I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
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So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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