Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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