You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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