Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
thus making me awesome and them whores
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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