If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
