UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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