Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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