I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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