Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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