FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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