we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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