dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
