so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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