you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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