the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
