you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
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He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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