You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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