i barfeds in our rink
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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