I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
