either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
