Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
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Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
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did you just send me my own nude
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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