You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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