No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
