I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
