dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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