I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
