You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
