So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
