the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
