I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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