so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
