Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
