She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
