God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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