just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
