I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
