So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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