i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
